Exacerbating Malapropisms

OUTRAGE!!!

I don’t know about you, but I hate, loath, and despite malapropisms in the books I persue.  I mean, these days it’s sometimes implausible to get through a single paraphrase of an Indie-arthured nouvelle without finding too or three of them weighting on the page to flustrate your very last nerve!  You’d think by now that the need for prove-reading a manuscript prioritized to publicity would be a mute point.  It’s not like we writer typos haven’t heard it reverberated numerous times.  Prove! Prove! Prove your righting!  Surely we should have learned our lesson!  But know!  Everywhere you look, their they are, well-established and reputed arthurs tantalizing the English language with numberous grammatical eros.  And its not like these writers are even strifing for irony!  Not like there aiming for self-depreciating humor.  It’s enough to render a reader prostate with grieve.  Okay, so we weren’t all born child progenies, not all of us can udder a dozen cleaver antidotes at a fancy de trop cocktail party.  But does ignoramus have to rain supreme?  The statue of imitations hasn’t exactly run out on diligence and desiccation!  There’s no stigmata attached to consulting a grammar book and dictionaries haven’t exactly been admonished from the planet!  How could anyone in there rite mind argumentative that asking a writer to run a spell check ranks in the same categorization as asking them to circumvent the globe!  Whatever happened to the milk of human kindness between writers and there readers, or have we all become lacktoast intolerant of a sudden?  And please know that the whole point of this little rant isn’t to so the seeds of dysentery among Indie writers.  I’m not weighting hear with baited breathe for the wraith of Indie-arthurs world-wide to reign down on my head.  On the contrarian, it’s just that our writing ought writely to jive with long established principals of English grammar, don’t you think?  For it’s no allusion: if we don’t pay attention to the perpendiculars of our work, the critics most assiduously will!

PS:  So, how many did you spot?

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About jaurquhart

Jack Andrew Urquhart was born in the American South. Following undergraduate work at the University of Florida, Gainesville, he taught in Florida's public schools. He earned a Master of Arts degree in English, Creative Writing, from the University of Colorado at Boulder, where he was the winner of the Harcourt Brace Jovanovich Award for Fiction (1991). His work has appeared online at Clapboard House Literary Journal, Crazyhorse Literary Journal, and Standards: The International Journal of Multicultural Studies. He is the author of So They Say, a collection of self-contained, inter-connected stories and the short story, They Say You Can Stop Yourself Breathing. Formerly a writing instructor at the University of Colorado’s Writing Program, Mr. Urquhart was, until 2010, a senior analyst for the Judicial Branch of California. He resides in southern California.
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7 Responses to Exacerbating Malapropisms

  1. Miss Mary says:

    You right good. There were so many malapropisms and expotentials of unproved righting that my head began to expound. I nearly flabigized my gut from laughing so hard.

    Write on, brother! You make an everclear point.

  2. jaurquhart says:

    I’ve been toled I was one of those child progenies–the product of intravenous fertilization, don’tchaknow. Thanks four stomping bye.

  3. Jack, this is the funnist thing I red this mourning.

  4. zencherry says:

    Two kewl. Bwhahaa! I try to overlook a lot of this when I review, but yes…it is prevalent. Or shuld i say prevelantt? I’ll take it over the ones that concentrate on poo any day though. Honestly. 😉

  5. jaurquhart says:

    Yes, these eros are very common, aren’t they. Nothing to do but flagellate ourselves that we never matriculate them ourselves, right? 🙂

  6. Imagine my surprise when I was followed by Fel Wetzig @Scotzig and as I was returning her follow, I saw a link in one of her tweets about malapropisms and when I clicked, there was “So They Say”! Small world, isn’t it? I wonder if she got onto my Twitter account from your blog.
    As for you’re peace above, it’s flabulous! Word humor is my favorite kind and I’m not even going to try to supplement this!

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